14 February, 2006 (Tuesday) continued

A Valentine’s night
Mel had called me late in the afternoon to confirm my attendance at the Sam’s Dating Game. She urged me to bring Dave along (Mel: “It’d be great to have a genuine Australian bloke in there. He’ll give some real answers!” Me: “Hey! What are you trying to say about me?!?”) and had me promise that I’d arrive promptly at quarter to 9. (Picture: Josh and Chris in fashion glasses)

Not one for promptness at social events, nevertheless Josh, Chris and I were dressed up and at the doors at the appointed time. I thought I’d go to some extra effort and was wearing my patterned jeans, collared shirt and leather jacket. Walking in I realized how over-dressed I looked. Snow slobs.

The "Dating Game"
The Dating Game at Sam’s for the night was to be loosely based on the game show Perfect Match, from the 80s. Three contestants are hidden by a partition and asked questions by the Chooser. After a number of questions the Chooser gets to select one of the contestants for a date.

Of course, the suggested set of questions that Mel provided weren’t the type suitable for a family viewing slot. Suggestions ranged from “Skier or snowboarder?” to “If you were a condom what type would you be?”. The winners from each round winning a $200 complementary dinner upstairs at the Snowshoe Sam’s restaurant. (Picture: Steve, John, Dave and Mel - Round 1)

We kicked off just after 9:30pm, our complementary drink tickets and t-shirts in hand. Sam’s had gone all out with the drinks, offering a glass of Pilsner (cheapest beer on tap) for those of us with the guts to enter. … And they were wondering why they had more guys willing to enter than gals. Or is that a reflection of the ratio in these parts? (Somebody said it's 1:7 the other day. Some people are starting to refer to a night at Sam's as "The Sausage-fest". Not I.)
First up in the hot seat were Dave (our redoubtable housemate), John (the twin, who lived with Tanya) and a guy called Steve. They were squeezed into a couch and looking pretty happy with themselves. On the other end of the partition was Hannah, from London. She was well-dressed and looking very focused. After a round of anonymised introductions from the Host, DJ Foose, they got into the questions. (Picture: Round 1 - the questions begin)

Hannah: “My worst first date experience was in Vegas, where I was asked back for a foursome. What was your worst first date experience?"
Dave: “She never showed.”
Audience: “Awwwww…”
John: “I went to a movie with a mate and didn’t think anything of it. It was only later I found out he was gay.”
Steve: “Duh...”

Hannah: “What’s the most romantic thing you’ve done?”
Dave: “I gave her a bunch of flowers, then we had a picnic on a mountain top while the sun set.”
John: “I once bought a drink for a girl I was trying to get onto”
Steve: “I once slept in the wet spot.”

Hannah: “What was your most near death experience that you've had in the sack?"
Dave: “The lighting was bad and where I thought the end of the bed was… well, it was actually shadow. So I kind of put my knee where the end of the bed was… and that ended the night’s activities.”
John: "I was fooling around with my gf in her father's bed and her dad walked in on us."
Steve: “I slept with a fat chick once...”

After such quality answers Hannah got to select her date for the evening. Following much heckling and finger signals from the audience Hannah settled on Contestant Number 2 – John.

Personally, I thought Dave got rorted, being first up each time he didn’t have enough time to think of his answer – first off the mark each time. Then again, all credit goes to John – he was quick off the bat and seemed to just have the right comic timing for it.

My time has come
After a lengthy delay I was told by Mel that I was in fact the next up, as Chooser. Who can argue with that? Blindfolded and stuck in the behind-bar area I stood for a good 10 minutes. In that time I was given a sweet labeled “Angel” and spun until I was ready to be sick by two random girls.

When I walked on stage the lights were bright and the audience looked sufficiently liquored up. A microphone was stuck under my face and I was asked to provide an introduction. Now what did I say…?
(Picture: Me in the hotseat)

“Evening. I’m a sensitive new age guy, the original Sydney metro. I’m also a Scorpio, and by all accounts I live up to the reputation. Hmm.. what else to say? Well, perhaps this will do. It’s something I prepared earlier:
I’m fastidious and I clean
I like the odd dirty magazine
I make a mean pasta dish
And I drink like a fish
I can bend all the way back
And I’m dynamite in the sack”

The crowd cheered and cat called. Yes, I’m sure I came across as a total tosser. How could they go wrong with an introduction like that?

The girls were a little more concise with their answers:
Contestant Number 1: Something about growing tomatoes and liking horses.
Contestant Number 2: “I’m from Switzerland”
Contestant Number 3: From Canada. I'm a Libra.

Me: “Being a sensitive new age guy I’d like to know a bit more about what you like – what kind of qualities do you look for in a guy?”

Contestant Number 1: “They have to be able to go like Pharlap. I like to be ridden all day”
Me: “Ohhhhkay”
Contestant Number 2: Something about nice, caring and fun etc etc
Contestant Number 3: Hung like a horse and with the talents to match
Me (thinking): “Well, this is definitely heading up market”

Me: “For my second question, I’d like to know how far you’d go on a date?” (Yes, I’ve been watching too much Elimidate on TV)

Contestant Number 1: “As far as required”
Contestant Number 2: “No comment”
Contestant Number 3: “There’s only one way to find out”

So after two questions, none of them particularly illuminating the host with the least got me to choose. Fingers were in a frenzy with most indicating Contestant Number 2. So, after some apparent deliberation I gave the invariable:

“My choice for this evening will have to be… Contestant number 2”.

As Dave said later “How could you not – she’s Swiss man… and the way she was chomping on that lolly pop…:” Thanks for that Dave!

Kerrel, Contestant Number 2, seemed like a nice girl. Blonde with a smattering of freckles and a bright red lolly pop. Apparently she’s here for a break, doing some boarding. She mentioned that she’s due to head off home in 2 weeks. I guess we’ll have to claim our dinner soon! I was a bit disappointed to be cut off after 2 questions though. But then, DJ Weasel didn’t exactly endear himself to too many people.

More fond memories from the front row
The night sort of went from there, with people drinking progressively more and getting progressively messier.

Lauren from Westridge was next up as Chooser (there was a deficit of game gals), but her prospects all looked pretty awful. Nevertheless she put on a convincing phone sex operator voice, langorous and nasty, and asked the hard questions:

Lauren: “If you were a condom, what type would you be?”

Contestant Number 1: “A Trojan, because I ride like a horse.”
Me (thinking): “Now what the hell does THAT mean? What's with the horse theme tonight?!?”
Contestant Number 2: “Studded…” mumbled incoherently.
Me (thinking): “Why don’t you just pass out on stage, at least then we wouldn’t have to be subjected to your babbling.”
Contestant Number 3: “Extra large”
Me (thinking): “I guess that’s just to match your ego, or perhaps to stick on your head and suffocate?”

Lauren:"If you were stranded on a desert island with me, what 3 things would you take?"

Contestant Number 1: "Sun tan lotion so I could rub you all over. Margarita mix for us to drink and a matress for me to make sweet love to you on."
Me (thinking): "Yup, you've scored a true romantic there. I'm surprised you left out a mirror - to admire yourself with."
Contestant Number 2: "Beer. I like beer."
Contestant Number 3: "Nothing, i'd have you there."
Audience: Awwwww
Me (thinking): "Yup, all the cliches are out now!"

Lauren: "If you could be a: a) beer, b) a peach, or c) a snowplow, what would you be and why?"

Contestant Number 1: "A peach. I'm sweet and tasty and I have some fuzz on the outside."
Me (thinking): "Yup, come across as a bit of a fruit."
Contestant Number 2: "A snowplow. I'm a machine that can go and go, and I'm great in the snow."
Me (thinking): "About as much imagination as one too."
Contestant Number 3: "Beer, because I'm Canadian."
Me (thinking): “Yes, I can see why you’re single with reasoning like that.”

With a bad batch, Lauren ended up choosing Contestant Number 2. She admitted a few days later that she forgot what the guy looked like pretty much after she met him. Dear me Lauren, that's no way to talk about a potential date!

Leigh, from rentals was up last in her Big White staff hat and bottle of mixer in hand. By this time it was past 11pm and the crowd was quite beyond being coherent (or even pretending). Her four potential dates were sterling examples, falling all over themselves in drunken enthusiasm. By the third question it was pretty clear that 3 of the 4 contestants were having trouble sitting straight, let alone piecing together a sentence. Nevertheless, Leigh made her choice and the stage lights dimmed.
(Picture: Leigh working hard)

It was a fun Valentine's night. The dance floor filled up, people strutted their stuff. Couples canoodled in corners and I took it all in with a big amused grin on my face. Lots of people were out and it was just another big night at Sam's. Happy Valentine!